December & January were horrible months. What was handed to me as a 40 hour project in early December became, after analysis & research, a major undertaking requiring approximately 300 hours work, but the deadline stayed the same. Ambiguous, incorrect and unstated project requirements, an unhappy Customer, an unsupportive project manager, and the added frustration of technical problems, all combined to thoroughly wipe out my Christmas spirit. I had more migraines in December than I’d had the previous 11 months combined, and often went 3 or more days on less than 4 hours sleep because of anxiety attacks. I was angry and resentful (after all, what sadist schedules a major business software implementation for Jan 2, adding to what is already the most stressful time of year?!!) and more than a little rebellious (No, I cannot work on the weekend!!). It was not pretty.
I’ve been praying a lot: prayer for strength, sleep, creativity, solutions, endurance, and of course praying for deliverance from the pressure. And God has answered those prayers in various ways (I was delighted and grateful to learn a few years ago that God understands computer technology). Yet in the agony of it all, I kept feeling that God was trying to tell me something, to show me something of Himself that I wasn’t seeing. And I think I finally got it…
One morning last week, as I was praying and thinking about the storm of stress swirling around me like a hurricane, I had a mental image of a man in the middle of a chaotic swirl of angry and frustrated faces and voices, standing calm, unperturbed, and totally free from anxiety and stress. And I thought Yes, that’s it, that’s how I want to be. Then I looked up at my bulletin board, saw the woodcut image of Jesus saving Peter from drowning, and realized that I’d had the answer in front of me all the time: The man I saw in my mind’s eye is a man who understands that Jesus is Lord even over the wind and the waves; and because he understands and trusts Jesus’ lordship, he is calm and confident in his assurance that God is greater than any of the storms that threaten to overwhelm us.
There were many storms in my life last year, and even though I’d looked to God for help in each one, I hadn’t come to the point of truly comprehending and believing that God is Lord over the storms; nor had I accepted that he is entirely trustworthy to keep me safe, or - even better - that he actually desires to meet me in the storms and walk through them with me. The calm assurance that I want only comes when I trust Him completely; and that unshakable trust only comes as I consistently walk with Him through the storms and experience his grace and love – and yes, his deliverance. It's an assurance - not that I won't experience any more storms, but that the storms won't have any more power over me.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God."
“Take courage, it is I. Don’t be afraid. … How little you trust me. Why did you doubt?”
