“Unless a grain of wheat…”

In church last Sunday prayer was requested and offered for the freedom and safety of the Afghan man who had been arrested under threat of death for converting from Islam to Christianity. As we were praying, though, I found myself wondering if we were praying for the right thing.

Was it only two weeks ago that we read the words of Jesus “Truly, Truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal”?

In the kingdom of the world death is the worst that can happen: The end of everything, the horror of utter finality, nothingness itself. In the kingdom of God, however, death - as someone described it - is nothing more than changing out of dirty, ill-fitting rags into clean, new, tailor-made clothes. In the kingdom of God, as Paul said, to die is gain.

Here in our little town just a few weeks ago the movie “The End of the Spear” played in the local theatre, the story of the five men who were killed while attempting to take the good news of Jesus’ love to a violent tribe in Ecuador. This story illustrates the truth of Jesus’ words as it tells how those five seeds resulted in incredible fruit that is still being borne 50 years later.

I cannot imagine what Abdul Rahman is going through. As I pray for him I also pray that I never experience anything like it. But here is a man whom the whole world is suddenly aware of, and is watching to see how the Afghan government and Muslim authorities act. What if he were a seed that God wanted to plant? How then, should we pray? Perhaps as Jesus did himself in that same passage: “Father, glorify Your name”.

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?

In honor (sort of) of March/Ireland/St. Patrick's Day...

There once was a man from McShean

Whose main disposition was mean.

If you dare cross his path

You would suffer his wrath

For with you he will wipe McShean clean!

... the only limerick I've ever written. And no, I don't know what put it in my head. I'm sure there's some Freudian explanation...

Trust - lesson 2

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…”

In 2002, my wife of 25 years was diagnosed with breast cancer. Only those who have suddenly been brought face to face with imminent death truly understand the massive upheaval this causes in your life.

We talked about the treatments she would face and the trauma they would inflict on her and our family’s lives. We talked about the future, for her, me and our kids, from the aspects both of surviving and of not. She joked a lot. I tried, but just couldn’t, quite.

Mentally and emotionally I began disengaging. I began thinking about and focusing on a future without her. She teased me about the line of women that would be waiting for me outside her funeral, and that seed germinated to become fantasies that I indulged in to provide relief from the fear and anxiety.

I don’t remember when or where, but God confronted me in a very clear mental picture – a vision, if you will. I saw Jesus, with his arms around Yvonne, walking through a dark valley. Jesus looked at me and I knew he was telling me that if I wanted to walk with him, it was to be through that valley of the shadow of death. He made no promise to me that Yvonne would recover, yet in His presence there could be no escapist fantasies. Being with Jesus during that time meant walking with Yvonne through the valley, completely vulnerable to pain, fear, and loss, but also knowing with certainty that her life was in His hands.

Gratefully, five years later, after diet changes, chemotherapy, and mastectomy,Yvonne is free from cancer, though there’s no certainty that it will not come back.

We (especially we American Christians) tend to think that the sign of God’s favor on our lives is that everything is going well, that we don’t have problems. No…

God shows his favor by walking through the difficult times with us, and bearing the burden of the pain, the uncertainty, and the fear.

Trust - lesson 1

Miriam, my oldest, was born in Manila – assembled in the Philippines from American components was the title of the prayer letter we sent out. The photograph of me holding her says everything that could be said about how I felt. She was definitely the best thing that had ever happened to me (besides her mother)!

Before she was a year old, she contracted Dengue fever. In 3rd world countries, death from this virus is very common and I was terrified. My charming, happy, active baby lay in her crib too weak to move or even cry. The first night was agonizing; the second night was overwhelming, and in the dark I fell on my face on the floor beside her crib and began praying for her. I lay on the floor for two hours, crying and pleading.

Suddenly, as if a cleansing water had been poured over me, I felt peace. And I knew. Though I didn’t hear any words, God spoke to me, directly to my heart and mind. I suddenly knew that Miriam belonged to God, that she was in a very literal way being held in His hands. I also knew very clearly that this was not a promise that Miriam would recover, only that she belonged to God. All the fear and worry was gone, and even though I didn’t know if Miriam would survive the night I went to bed and slept as peacefully as I ever have. The next day she began improving.

Motivation

I'm hoping that maybe committing to a blog will motivate me to finally pull some thoughts together that have been bouncing around in my head forever, and maybe also to get out and take a few photographs again. I don't seem to feel up to doing anything creative unless I know there's going to be an audience.

As I thought about doing this, in my mind my audience is always my daughters: #1 is out of the nest and making one of her own; #2 is on the edge, getting ready to take the plunge; and #3 is looking forward to a little more room in the nest before she's ready to leave. So dad is panicking, thinking of all the missed opportunities, and hoping that the "cool" factor of high-technology will entice them to come and read some things that dad would have said if the subject had ever come up. Everyone else is welcome to eavesdrop.

Spring seems an appropriate time to start...