Three weeks ago my wife gathered all our extended family together and gave us the news that the pain she had been feeling was in fact caused by her breast cancer having returned and metastasized throughout her upper body. The doctors resist giving a prognosis because they can’t say with any certainty how any individual’s body will respond to the treatments. Maybe years, maybe months.
It’s one of many cruel ironies that the specter of death often hovers closest to those who are most full of life. Yvonne is one of those rare individuals who makes everything all right just by walking into a room – or a life, as she did mine. (I’ve always said that I’ve never understood what lapse of judgment on her part caused her to fall in love with me, but it’s the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me and I’ve been grateful for it ever since.) If there were any justice in the world, cancer would only happen to grumpy, crotchety, negative people like me.
Yes, it has thrown my faith a curve ball. How can you possibly reconcile something like this with a God who is, as James Moffat translates, the “Divine Yes”? How does this square with my belief that God created us to be, and desires us to be whole people, physically and emotionally as well as spiritually? I don’t know. Do I still believe in God’s goodness? Yes. Do I believe this is a sign of God’s displeasure? No. Do I believe this happened for a reason, that God allowed it or caused it? I don’t know; I tend to think these things just happen, like being caught in a rain storm without an umbrella. Do I have hope? Sometimes, though more often I’m afraid. Still, I believe that all of life - from cradle to grave - is sacred and held in God’s hands. Should it come to that end, though, I also believe that the end of life in this realm of time and space is not utter finality but simply the doorway into the presence of the Eternal.
But it hasn’t come to that. As Yvonne herself keeps reminding us, she’s not dead yet. While there’s life there’s hope, and a battle to be fought, and battles are only won if those who are fighting them believe they can be won; the surest way to lose the battle is to believe it is already lost. We will be grateful for each day we have to live and fight together.
2 comments:
Thank you for sharing so transparently, Walt: I greatly appreciate your openness in sharing the good stuff and the bad -- Real Life stuff. You, Yvonne, and your whole family have meant so much to this community and to countless others. Love, peace, healing, and Light are wished upon you.
Walt, this is heart wrenching news. You aren't alone in your struggle with faith, hope and love. Prayers for you and your family will waft toward heaven in the days and weeks ahead. Thanks for letting us join you on the journey - we pray for the best, knowing that it is possible.
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